Clever username

( Or How I Learned To Sit There And Watch Alot Of Movies )

The last class session of my academic career begins in twenty-two minutes, folks. It's been kinda alright.

Today I:
Had a croissant because I couldn't find anything to go with blueberry cream cheese.
Showed up on time to class.
made smartass remarks in Field Video Production while we were setting up.
Found out that the third act is due next week in screenwriting. I didn't start on the third act yet.
Face the challenge of both shooting the Field Video final and writing forty script pages in a week.
Went home for my lunch break. I went to Target on the way back to pick up some mousse and deodorant.
Smoked before returning to school.
Changed my dad's airfilter.
Got the new Phenomenauts album and Nothing Nice To Say shirt in the mail.
Saw a girl who caught me smoking as I drove out of school.
I was smitten.

So I haven't posted in a really long time so here I am, typing this on a new shiny mac at midnight of wednesday drunk and/or faded.
so far all my classes are going pretty well and they're all chill except for theatre into film which is hella fucking boring.
i just had that class tonight and the only reason why I show up is that this one girl in there is really fucking cute and I think she might be interested.
so tonite i went to heroes with george after class. i had a couple drinks and met jasmine, his best friends sister. it was chill. i then went home and smoked out a bit and now im here. booya.
god. that girl in my theatre class is so cute. anyways for my screenwriting class im supposed to turn in act 1 next week tuesday but im only like4 pages in. so that kinda sucks, im just going to have to write the fuck out of it this weekend and hope that it doesnt suck ass.

lately ive been going to the gym, its pretty good because i run like a mile on the treadmills and then lift weights and shit. now my calves are hella strong and shit. but ive been sick since monday and it fucking sucks. i havent gone to the gym and ive mostly been sitting around with a fucking hardcore headache staring at a blank page because i cant decide on how to have my script not suck ass. damn. the theatre girl is fucking hella cute, i was just thinking about here. i am so fucking faded, im pretty chill right now.

good night folks, i might post more often now that i have a laptop, maybe ill be posting entries inclass?

It's 2008 and I've done a shitty job at keeping up this blog. Whatever.

If the saying is true, I should have learned atleast 365 things last year; here's the ten I feel like mentioning because I forgot the other 355:

10. Between shots Lisa Kudrow plays Brain Age on a black Nintendo DS Lite. Once when I witnessed this first hand I told a bunch of my friends and for some reason I was the only one to find this amusing.

9. Never go see a film solely upon Jon's interest. Although I do value the opinions of my friends, I sometimes value my own much more. I paid to go see Hitman because although it's a video game movie, "it might not be that bad." but it was. What the fuck was I thinking?

8. Stress from procrastination will kill me. When all of your classes tell you that you got papers due at the end of the semester, start on that shit as soon as you can. I regret spending my weekends high as fuck when I should have been describing the educational value of Animanaics. Yes, that's a real paper topic.

7. Stupid girls are dumb. Seriously, if you think that they're just flirting by playing dumb, they aren't. They are also evil.

6. Even if you can't get a real job you can still make a living in LA with background acting. I've met people whose entire livelihood depends on them pantomiming and making sweeps and crosses. I've seen forty-somethings who quit their real jobs to chase down thirty-year-old dreams and I admire their ballsy nature.

5. Work as a production assistant. If you want to act, you usually need to earn yourself the three golden tickets and there just ain't no way you can get those SAG vouchers unless you are either Humphrey Bogart reincarnated or a cute twenty-something blonde with large breasts. Or a production assistant. Although you are the lowest on the crew totem pole, get paid the least and get disrespected by the ever present group of shitheads working background, you hold in your tired and gloved palm the fate of leftover SAG vouchers from cancels and no-shows. PAs are supposed to just leave them but they can also fill them out for themselves, scoring an extra $200 or so for the day or award them to the wannabe starlet who flirted with them the most.

4. Hard drugs are bad for you. It's kinda stupid that I had to learn it first hand but atleast I scored myself that irrevocable merit badge of experience.

3. I can't regularly go to a gym. So I had this crazy idea earlier this year to sign up at a gym. It was one of the big chain ones that are all over the place. I figured I would exercise at night since they were open late and were close by. I could just stroll in, swim a couple dozen laps and get the fuck out two to three times a week. Sounds like a solid plan. But as it turns out, it's a lot easier not going to the gym and instead savoring whatever cinematic delights Netflix has granted me in the holiest of holy red mailer envelopes.

2. Write. I've noticed that my writing is much worse than it was two years ago. My vocabulary has dwindled to a small pile that I use on a daily basis and little cabinet where I keep the ten dollar words.

1. I write better high. Remember the papers I mentioned back at number eight? Each of them I was stoned for at least a quarter of the time I was writing them and I somehow get A's on all of them. Except the Animaniacs one because my Prof. was a jerk.

So a couple weeks ago the topic of the lack of leading Asian males in studio films and television shows came up in my American TV class. One of my professors believed that there is no reason for them to not exist and that they deserve more prominent screen time. I thought about this and decided that despite being an Asian male, I wouldn't put my main character as an Asian dude. Mostly because it's still at the point where I'm recommended films to watch just because the main characters are Asian. That's fucking retarded. It's like saying, 'Hey, this movie has Asians in it and since you are an Asian you should see it or else you aren't supporting your FUCKING RACE.' I've seen a handful of films that were suggested to me in this fashion and honestly, the only reason they get any exposure is because the characters are Asians; if the films had Caucasians in it then nobody would even care.

If I were to actually have the chance to get a show into production I am not going to fuck up my chances by making the main male character Asian. Sure I might have some of the other characters be Asian, but not the main protagonist. I don't want to get lumped into the same group that I've been shit talking and like a fellow student brought up, it's not too likely that Middle America is as interested in a show starring an Asian male as say... the Asian communities of the entire West Coast.

The topic of romcoms also came up. Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing a romcom featuring an Asian male and Caucasian female. Or any other race. But let's be honest here, it would be way too ballsy to try pulling off a mixed race couple that isn't white dude, Asian chick. It's admittedly fucked up that it's a one-way street but theres not really anything I can do. Whatever.

Sorry about the shitty post dudes, I have some other shit I need to get off of my chest and I'll probably do that sometime before the end of the year. Maybe. Fuck if I know.

So I spent today playing World of Warcraft. I came back to it a couple months ago and spent two hours doing something that usually takes about 45 minutes. And I didn't complete it. That's pretty awesome.

Had class, Children's Television. It's going good so far but now I got four papers due. I've never been too confident in my papers. Creatively I can write on and on but these bastards are the most difficult thing for me short of math.

I got high and/or drunk as fuck last Saturday. That's all that really happened. Saw 30 Days of Night, it wasn't so great.

Before tonight I didn't have plans for Halloween but according to Shaun theres a free Horrorpops show at the Natural History Museum. Free shows are good, free shows with decent bands is nice and free shows with decent bands on Halloween is better. Free shows with decent bands and one of the museums I literally fucking grew up in is totally bitchin'.

Yes, I used "bitchin'". I used it on set last once and was praised. I'm bringing bitchin' back.

I need to work out more. I'm going to ride my bike more. I pulled it out of the garage last Saturday to ride to a nearby park. I haven't really ridden a bike since I was a freshman in high school. I did one other time after that, it was because I needed a bike for a job on Heroes but that doesn't really count since I hardly rode it. So it turns out I have difficulty ridding up really steep hills. By the end of this year I want to be able to ride from my house to Cerritos (For those keeping score at home, it's about nine miles) without passing out or dying or something embarrassing like that.

In an alternate dimension I'm flying in outer space in a giant robot suit right now and fighting a giant dragon that has laser vision and death rays shooting from its mouth.

Think about that.

So I have an email account on gmail of a famous director. It's not their account, just (name of famous director)@gmail.com I just checked it and it's amazing how many people just assume that I am said director and send me scripts and fan mail and the sort. This is fucking awesome. Seriously, if I was say... Wes Anderson (He isn't the one I have), my fucking email ain't going to be wesanderson@gmail.com. I mean, come on people; if they're someone I respect that would more than likely mean they're one of the most influential or creative minds in film and wouldn't they do something more original with their email than just put their name?

I wonder if I can steal their ideas... I mean, they did send them to me after all.

So I guess I'm an actor now. Sounds sexy, doesn't it? It isn't so much. I;ve gotten back into a flow of classes now. I think I can survive this semester, but this is of course me speaking before I've taken my midterms. After this week things might be different. Fuck if I know.

I've been doing a lot recently. Went some rave with Steve. I took some E for the first time; it's like the anti-Dementor.

I've been watching a lot of TV because I'm taking American Television and Children's Television this semester and felt that I should probably step up my idiot box knowledge a little bit. I've fallen in love with Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip; our wedding will be in April.

There might be a much more lengthier update sometime later this week, I just don't feel so interested right now.

One might wonder, where have I been? I've quit Chevron, did some background acting, fell in love with a girl I wasn't supposed to, went camping, joined a gym and watched a bunch of movies and films along the way.

I had to quit Chevron because I got a heads-up from Fitnete that I was going to be fired the coming Tuesday. So I had my letter of resignation ready and got the jump on them. I didn't really get to leave on my own terms since I didn't get the big 75% college tuition reimbursement I was counting on but at least I quit. A little bit before the time I got fired I started doing background acting in my days off and considered trying to do it full time. It's long hours, long commutes and only minimum wage but that's nothing in exchange for meeting really awesome people and watching a production. Plus there's the free meals. I'm only with Central right now so it's getting difficult to find things to work on. I only did an episode of Monk and three days on Heroes. The good thing is that now I'll probably get called in for any of the High School scenes for Heroes but theres' so many damn characters on the show that just waiting on that isn't going to cut it. I'll probably join a call service.

So during this time I started hanging out with Sara. Not sure why; I guess she needed rides and I needed the company. She wanted to join Central and so I took her and from there we just hung out with her everyday. I told myself that I didn't want to develop another stupid little crush on a girl for a good long while but I did. We spent a week just driving around Hollywood and LA, running errands, eating out and watching movies. I've also been driving her to her summer class and work since she doesn't own a car and the buses are on strike. I misinterpreted what I thought were hints that for some bizarre reason she liked me the same way I liked her but it turns out she only sees me as a friend and now she feels that any sort of act of kindness I do is a pathetic attempt to win her over. I don't know if she still needs me because she seems unconvinced that I still want to at least salvage our friendship. I know I can get over her and pine over some other girl but I don't know if she'll ever lower her guard and be just a friend in the same way she says that she sees me. I'll still offer her rides and if she feels uncomfortable then I guess that's the end of what never was. It was probably the best week of my summer. One day I'll build an machine so I can travel to alternate dimensions. I go to the amazing world where I'm happy and kick that fucker's ass.

So... the semester is almost over and I just finished my RTVF 300 paper. I'm kinda satisfied with it. I remember not being this bad at writing; it just feels so forced. It's like I'm just struggling to cough up sentences. I'm pretty sure it's linked to my lack of blogging because apart from school assignments, this is the only other time I write. I sometimeshandwrite journal entries in my notebooks in class but those don't really count since they're mostly just emotional outlets where I just complain about stuff. How that is different than here, I'm not entirely certain but now I'm getting sidetracked.

The end of the semester. So far I liked it here at CSUF. I completely forgot that I never took two years of a foreign language so it looks like I'm going to need a second semester of either French or Spanish. I'm not sure on which since I am horrible at both and don't remember a whole lot. I wonder if I can go back and take French at Cypress over the summer or something. That would be neat. I'm really burnt out on watching films. Because of Language of Film and Story Structure, I've had to watch a few movies a week and it gets pretty strenuous when I'm trying to find time for that while watching films I want to see and have a life outside of school and work. Speaking of work, I am sick of retail. I'm frustrated at asshole customers and don't want to deal with them anymore. But I kinda need the money so that's why I'm still there.

I just want this summer to come. I have alot of things I want to do and I doubt I'll get through them all. First I want to clean out my shit. I'm planning on getting rid of most of my comic books and selling most of my action figure collection onebay . I stopped collecting and I'd rather have the money. I also want to pick up photography again for the third time. I have my eye onLomo and wanted to just do some casual photography because I really need something creative to be proud of. I also need to look into doing work as an extra. The gas and hours will probably kill me but from what I hear, it beats the fuck out of retail. I'll at least try to do a few jobs over the summer. Originally I had planned to do extra work often enough to quit Chevron but I dunno how well that's going to turn out. Also want to learn how to play D&D and Jon is pretty interested as well, so that will probably happen. I also want to learn to surf and do at least a few bonfires this summer.Inori is supposedly coming back this summer and I'm looking forward to his return. He's one of my closest friends and some of my favorite anecdotes involve him. He can be frustrating sometimes but he's one of those people who will do anything they can to help their friends out. I startsentences with 'I" too often.

Well, it's kinda late so I should wrap this shit up. But all I can come up with is to just stop typing.

So today I had a doctors appointment because I think I might have tuberculosis. But then the doctor told me that I was just retarded and probably didn't. He gave me a test just in case and I'm supposed to go back on Wednesday for the results and a chest x-ray.

I then had my TV Studio Production class which in all honesty is totally fucking bitchin'. For lab we have just been doing rotations so everyone can learn all the roles in the studio and control room so I actually have a reason to show up each session. Today I was directing and directing in a control room is a bit much. I actually have to yell at people because my voice, as according to my professor is "very calming, smooth and relaxing." I was also told to sound "manlier" to which I chuckled. I don't really know if I have a default voice. I remember back in High School I was told that it was a deadpan monotone but now I think I have developed at least three different "modes" which I use depending on my company.

The first is my "friend voice". I use this one when I'm around people I am comfortable with like (surprisingly) friends, co-workers, relatives, etc. It's just relaxed and I am more prone to use more profanity and freshly-coined wordesque combinations like "cuntfuckingbastard" and Internet nerd slang like "zomgwtfzorz". My speaking also gets a very faint drawl that the other two voices don't have.

The second is the one closest to my old monotone voice. It actually is capable of conveying emotion now but it's still bland (this could just be because it's my own voice and since I hear it all day I get annoyed by it.) and particularly interesting. I use this one in "formal" situations like when trying to explain to a transfer counselor as to why I have ninety-something units under my belt and nothing to show for it or at work when I'm dealing with (most) customers. It's also with this voice that much of my dry humor and sarcasm comes into play. I revert to this voice to say something absolutely absurd because my assistant manager has an absolute inability to detect sarcasm and you can just see her brain trying it's damnest to "get it."

The third is actually when I just flub and make noises instead of actual words. More of a speech-pattern than an actual voice it can show up occasionally when I pull off a run on sentence and my my train-of-thought is so distant from the words that I'm saying that I am reduced to sound effects and hand movements. I also use it when talking in front of more than five or so people at once, girls I'm attracted to (this is not an absolute) or if I know that whoever I'm talking to knows that I'm just talking out of my ass.

It's 12:30 in the middle of the night and I'm writing about my voice. Seriously, what the fuck.

I'm about almost halfway through my first semester at CSUF. I haven't touched this blog in so long and I've noticed my writing skills have seriously decreased. I've procrastinated in bringing this whole thing back because if there's one thing I'm good at, it's fucking quitting. That and being a stupid cunt with a penchant for self-pity. So what's new since the last time I was on? I'm going to CSUF which is a more "respectable" school than Cypress. It's nice and I'm taking some fun classes so I like it. I've been watching a buttload of films which I enjoy but it does kill alot of my free time. I still work at Chevron. I still fall for girls I have no chance with. I still use sarcasm as an involuntary weapon to push others away. I still listen to ska. I still start reading books that I don't finish. Everything is the same.

Inori moved to Texas around October or something of last year. Supposedly he's comming back this summer which will be neato since he was a core part of the group and all. I dunno, everyone is now at seperate schools and I feel kinda distant from everyone. Law hasn't been hanging out for a few weeks now because of his classes or whatever bullshit but I've hung out with Jason pretty recently and I see Shaun and Steve atleast once every week and everything but it just not the same as just a year ago. I just feel more depressed all the time, that no matter how good things are going to get, they aren't good enough. I just feel unfulfilled and without whatever it is that's missing, I cannot be completely happy. It's really retarted that I can't be happy; I should quit bitching about things I can't change. I'm going to a pretty cool school and the people in my class are pretty awesome and I have a pretty good car and I don't have a life threatening condition. I should buck up. But yeah, my problem is that I see those who I view as being The Ideal and that since nothing else can compare, why would I ever want anything but The Ideal? The thing is that it's The Ideal or nothing and so far nothing is happening more often than not.

I will now offer the world a spoonful of wisdom I have gained through my own fuck ups: when making an elaborate design for an article of clothing that requires a good couple of hours of cutting with a razor, be sure that the design will fit on said clothing first.

Ugh, I want to fucking scream.

Being human really fucking sucks.

So today I got a haircut and it looks stupid so now I need to get a hat. Now I need to go to work.

I got a haircut that I don't like. WHOA WHAT A SUPRIZE!~!!!!!!!!!11111~~

loldeadblog.

Dear life,

Fuck you.

Hearts and stars forever,

Jessie.

*Insert some whiny post about being angry at the world and how life isn't fair and all that bullshit.*

I work at Chevron now. I think it might be spelled with two r's.

The two past weekends have been work all day and going out all night with minimum sleep and the unlimited free fountain drinks my job offers me. I just got home from counting change and cleaning bathrooms for nine solid hours and I am fucking piss tired. The next three days is training: eight hours a day and I have an Astronomy project due this Thursday I hardly touched. Why am I fucking blogging right now? What the hell is wrong with me?

kthx 4 raedng lolzttyl8rz.